Tips for Parents from Advisors, Faculty, and Students

These tips are ONLY suggestions and recommendations. Not all of these tips may apply to you or your child. These suggestions may require patience and surprising sacrifices. The Marshall Community and Technical College offers many programs that help the student adjust to college life. Tutoring, Advising, and Counseling services are available to each student.

1. See your child as an adult.

This is also a learning process for you and not just for your child. All caring and loving parent(s) experience readjustments to the "empty nest." College can be full of indecision, insecurities, disappointments, and most of all, mistakes. College is full of discovery, inspiration, good times, and people. It takes a while for students to accept that being unhappy, afraid, confused, and disliking people and making mistakes are all part of college—all part of growing up. Your child needs to be allowed to grow up. It takes a while for parents to accept this. You'll be tempted to call or seek answers on their behalf or to solve their problems for them. This isn't a good idea. It's better for the student to seeks the answers, figure out the solutions and ask for advice. No one can help a person who is kept in a perpetual state of adolescence.

 

2. Trust them.

Don't go behind his/her back. Your child is going through a difficult enough process in discovering who he/she is without feeling that the people whose opinions they respect the most are second-guessing them. If your child finds out you have gone behind his/her back to see how he/she is performing academically, he/she sees this as an act of distrust. Talk with your child not the Marshall Community and Technical College Advising Center or the instructors. All students have a right to privacy guaranteed them by law. Insisting on obtaining such private information is illegal. All advisors or instructors must have written permission from the student to share any personal information concerning their performance or behavior.

 

3. Expect change.

   College, and the experiences associated with it, can cause changes in social, vocational, and personal behavior and choices. You can’t stop change, you may not ever understand it, but it is within your power to accept it. This doesn't necessarily mean your child will change radically and that you won't recognize this "new adult" in your life.

   Also, expect your child to change their major or switch colleges. This often occurs. Be patient.

    

4. Contact your child. 

You aren't being a bother by calling or e-mailing them a message.  If they don't contact you after a long period of time, contact them just to let them know you are alive, are concerned about them and would like to chat. Usually when they get into a social or academic bind, they will likely seek your help and please, listen to them when they call. You should not get discouraged when you hear about many of the "bad" experiences at first because things get much better. Students eventually learn "the system." When students call with problems, it's better to provide support and a listening ear than to supply solutions. If your child lives at home, make a dinner date with them to catch up.

 

5. Don’t worry too much about depressing phone calls and letters.

When troubles become too much for a student to handle (a flunked test, a missed deadline, and a shrunken t-shirt all in one day), the only places to turn, write, or dial is home. Often, unfortunately, this is the only time that the student has the urge to talk to you. So, you may never hear about the “A” paper or other triumphs. In these "crisis" times, your son or daughter wants to only unload the trouble or tears while you inherit the burden of worry. Be patient with these nothing-is-going-right, I-hate-this-place talks. You’re providing a real service as an advice dispenser or sympathetic ear while remembering not to be tempted to "fix" the problem. If needed, personal Counseling Services are available. The Marshall Community and Technical College Advising Center only offers academic advising.

 

6. Ask your child questions.

   Even though your child is "an adult," most still desire the security of knowing that someone is interested in them. Parental curiosity can be obnoxious and alienating or relief giving and supporting, depending on the attitudes of the people involved. "I have a right-to-know" questions should be avoided. However, honest inquiries and other "between friends" communication and discussion will do much to further the parent-student relationship.

    

7. Visit your child (but not too often).

Parent's Weekend is an opportunity for you to see your child and their new environment. These visits give the student a chance to introduce some of the important people in both of his/her worlds to each other. Additionally, it’s a way for parents to become familiar with (and hopefully more understanding of) their student’s new activities, commitments, and friends. Visits by parents (especially when accompanied by shopping sprees and/or dinners out) are events that students are reluctant to admit liking but greatly appreciate. 

 

8. Refrain from telling the Advising Staff that your child needs special treatment.

   This is not a comment directed at those with documented disabilities. The collegiate experience is a growing period for the student. All students will be exposed to ideas, attitudes and values quite contrary from their own. They may find that what he or she holds as intellectually sacred may be examined and brutally bounced around. No student can expect to be placed in a cocoon and protected from the ideas, attitudes and values of others.

    

9. Place blame where it belongs (which in not always on the advisors or instructors).

   If you discover your child is on probation or will be suspended, don't become angry with the advisors or instructors who gave them a failing grade. Try to figure out if your child sought out the services that could help (i.e., Tutoring Services, Writing Center, or Academic Skills Center). Did he or she immediately seek help, does he or she accept the responsibility for their grades, or did they simply "go with the flow" and ignore the problem. If you practice the art of denial for your child's responsibilities or always try to "fix" the situation for them, they will likely never reach adulthood.

   If they missed an application or registration deadline, don't blame the Marshall Community and Technical College staff. Important dates are posted in several places (i.e., Schedule of Courses, the web, bulletin boards, and the Marshall Community and Technical College Advising Center). The age-old excuse often said, "No one told me about it?"  What would happen if you used this excuse with your boss?

    

10. Don't blame the Marshall Community and Technical College for their misbehavior.

    Students are going to be subjected to situations, opportunities and temptations in which they must be responsible for their decisions. Some react by engaging in what you may see as foolish behavior and they view as being "sophisticated." Please don't blame the Marshall Community and Technical College staff because of the child's inability to handle the many temptations. Marshall Community and Technical College cannot protect your child from making errors in judgment. If they seek acceptance by becoming very social, their grades will show it.

I wish my parents knew that . . .

• not everyone is an "A" or "B" student, so I may not always earn "A's."
• there is more to college than studying and going to classes.
• care packages and letters are wonderful!
• in going away to college, I won't forget the values and morals you instilled in me.
• I need to have the chance to learn from my own mistakes.
• I need words of encouragement when things are not going well.
• most students change their major at least once.
• it's hard to ask for money or help, but I appreciate it when offered.
• rolls of quarters are greatly appreciated.
• coming home for breaks and holidays is a big adjustment for all of us!
• I am stressed during midterms and finals, so don't take it personally when I am grumpy.
• we can become closer even though I'm away.
• and, yes, I am taking my medicine, brushing my teeth, staying healthy, wearing a sweater, and I miss you just as much as you miss me!